Connection Central

by Dr. John C. Maxwell

In the comic strip, Peanuts, a hapless Charlie Brown occasionally would be stalked by ominous rainclouds. Although the rest of the sky would shine bright and blue, poor Chuck would be stuck under a dark cloud, getting doused by its showers. While his friends and neighbors enjoyed the beauty of the day, a drenched Charlie Brown would be a scowling onlooker.

The lingering raincloud seemed to suggest Charlie Brown's inability to break clear from his problems. A melancholy character, he was prone to fits of worry and self-doubt. He concocted problems where none existed and fretted about those which were real.

While we do not have to contend with perpetual drizzle like Charlie Brown, many of us live under the gloomy shadow of self-induced rainclouds. When life's twists and turns work against us, we retreat into a rotten attitude or heap blame on our surroundings. By doing so, we neglect to deal with our problems and only add to our misery.

The Five Truths Leaders Understand about Problems

1. They're unavoidable.

For the aspiring leader, problems may be the most faithful companions of all. The road to success is seldom paved smoothly, and is oftentimes under construction. Potholes and barricades abound. At every bend in the journey, a leader's vision must peer around obstacles and through formidable walls to foresee a positive future. Leaders who sidestep problems stunt their growth - they end up shallow and debilitated. The successful leader stares down problems and resourcefully addresses them.

2. Perspective on the problem, rather than the problem itself, determines success or failure.

We see problems, not as they are, but as we are. That's why attitude plays such a crucial role in separating those who lead from those who follow. Alfred Armand Montapert said, "The majority see the obstacles; the few see the objectives; history records the successes of the latter, while oblivion is the reward of the former." Leaders look at problems from a healthy, self-confident vantage point.

3. There's a big difference between problem spotting and problem solving.

Anyone, even the fairly imperceptive, can identify problems, but few people have the initiative to tackle them. As novelist John Galsworthy observed, "Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem." As rule, don't voice complaint about a problem until you're:
1) able to put forth a recommendation for solving it, and
2) willing to take an action to solve it.

4. The size of the person is more important than the size of the problem.

You can tell the caliber of a person by the amount of opposition it takes to discourage him or her. Joke writer Robert Orben says that he once saw an ad from an entertainer that read, "Lion tamer - wants tamer lion." Clearly, this performer wasn't looking for greatness but merely for something manageable. To lead at the highest level requires wrestling with problems seemingly beyond our ability to apprehend.

5. Problems, responded to correctly, can propel us forward.

Leaders are not discovered in the limelight; rather they are forged in the darkness under heat and pressure. Leaders gain respect on difficult terrain, after taking a few blows and being shaped by the problems they encounter. As a matter of fact, courage and valor go undetected until seen through the lens of adversity.

John C. Maxwell is an internationally recognized leadership expert, speaker, and author who has sold over 16 million books. His organizations have trained more than 2 million leaders worldwide. Dr. Maxwell is the founder of EQUIP and INJOY Stewardship Services. Every year he speaks to Fortune 500 companies, international government leaders, and audiences as diverse as the United States Military Academy at West Point, the National Football League, and ambassadors at the United Nations. A New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Business Week best-selling author, Maxwell was named the World's Top Leadership Guru by Leadershipgurus.net. He was also one of only 25 authors and artists named to Amazon.com's 10th Anniversary Hall of Fame. Three of his books, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Developing the Leader Within You, and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader have each sold over a million copies.

Encouragement takes place when your love as a leader meets one of your group member's fears. Everyone has fears or disappointments or confusion about life. When we show others that we truly love them in the midst of their pain, we are providing encouragement. Proverbs 18:21 tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Encouraging words bring life; shaming or harsh words bring death. Your job as a leader is to bring wods of life to people who are feeling the sting of death emotionally. Listen to the instructions of Paul in Ephesians 4:29: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Encouragement is a community builder.

Tips for Becoming an Encouraging Small Group Leader

1. Be slow to speak (Proverbs 12:18; 13:3; James 1:19). A great way to encourage members is to listen to their stories with attentiveness and caring. Do not try to fix things quickly or give glib, pat answers to their problems or issues. Simply listen.

2. Exercise sensitivity. The Bible reminds us that our speech should be seasoned with salt. Our words should be filled with grace (Ephesians 4:29) and should mimic those of Jesus who came in grace and truth (John 1:14).

3. Show kindness when you speak. Words of gentleness are soothing and tender. Truth does not always have to be delivered from a rifle barrel. Truth spoken gently is more readily heard and more easily obeyed.

Pitfalls to Avoid When Trying to Be an Encourager

1. Defensiveness. Don't try to justify yourself. Simply listen to what others are saying and try to clarify what is being said.

2. Sarcasm and criticism. Sometimes humor gets out of hand. Remember that people are easily injured with words. (Proverbs 15:4)

3. Correction. Don't tell people that their feelings are wrong or inaccurate or say to someone, "You shouldn't feel that way." The point is, they do feel that way, and you need to listen carefully to determined why they have the feelings they are experiencing.

4. Advice-giving. Avoid giving answers before having really investigated the questions. Advice-giving can be patronizing and can shut down communication. Quick advice often ignores the real problem.

Real encouragement requires active listening. It means fully engaging with another person and participating in their pain and frustration. As you listen carefully, you will be able to bring words of encouragement and comfort and hope to people in your group.

Adapted from "The Willow Creek Guide to Leading Life-Changing Small Groups" by Bill Donahue. Copyright 1996 by the Willow Creek Association.